Oh boy.

So, I set out for a ten mile run yesterday after work, feeling pretty good- excited to run the farthest I've EVER ran. Even farther than my skinny cross country days.

I'm running feeling good, taking my time because I know I have a long way to go. I see a bike heading my way on the small shoulder. He's facing me because bikes go with traffic and runners go against traffic. So he passes me we nod and 30 seconds later he's up behind me holding out a water bottle I dropped. Very nice of him.

Onward. I get to Huron River Drive. Yes, a rest at the cross walk and the park! And nice big sidewalks. I cross even though it said don't cross because I just didn't want to rest too much. Ran over the bridge, saw a beautiful swan and the lovely Huron River. People kayaking, golfing, running- beautiful day!

I check my watch- wow, I'm making good time!

Hm, doesn't feel like I'm 3.5 miles in. Oh well.

More running- feelin' the burn. A lot of people jog with their kids in strollers, I really want to do that when I have kids. Someone with a golden retriever runs by- I wish I could take Lola for runs! Maybe someday when she grows out of her puppiness.

Forward- hurtin- going to stop half way and rest- 5 miles! I get to the turn around point and stop to stretch out my calves/ shins because they hurt like hell! Glance at my watch... then I look closer... NOWAY! I'm about 10 minutes faster than I thought! Great! But then this sinking feeling starts to creep up... maybe I measured the route wrong... maybe it's not 10 miles.

I consider calling Josh and having him map it out for me again on the computer... but I figure I must just be having a good day. And it HURTS enough to feel like 5 miles...

So I start my journey back. Remembering all the hills I had to climb as I stride down them, and then vise versa. The sun is starting to get low, I'm pretty chilly, but it makes me want to run more, it makes me not want to stop.

A golfer waves and says "perfect day to be outside" I nod, although I totally disagree. If it was a perfect day my arms wouldn't feel like cold bricks and the sweat on my back wouldn't feel like ice cubes.

I get to a part of the shoulder that is just too skinny- so I cross the road and run with traffic instead of against. I feel like I'm breaking the law.

Soon after resuming my run on the correct side of the road- a cop car drives by. I wave. Good thing they stayed at the donut shop 3 minutes longer otherwise I'd be in hand cuffs.

SO close to home. Should I kick it into high speed? HELL NO. I can barely run. I'm afraid of pushing too much- my legs ache like nothing I've felt before. I guess this is how it feels to run 10 miles. Wrong.

I walk the last half mile.

It's ok. I knew I would have to walk some.

I'm home. Josh gives me a hug and tells me he's proud- it feels great. 10 miles! Really??? I look at my watch. The sinking feeling that creeped earlier now rushed. There was no way in hell I ran 10 miles in that amount of time. So I went right to my computer, www.mapmyrun.com- and almost cried. I only ran 7.1 miles.

Now I'm sure some of you are saying- 7 miles is great! But when I have 13 to run on Sunday and 7 miles about killed me-it's not great. It's bad.

I'm scared. What if I can't finish on Sunday? What if I'm too slow and I come in last or, worse, they close the course and the little gator comes and picks me up and I don't get to finish... just like those girls I pitied so much at my high school cross country races. I would think to myself- how can someone run the same course like 20 minutes slower than me? It's just a 5k. Now I wonder if there will people watching me finish (or not finishing) who will say - How can someone run that much slower than me? It's just a half marathon.

*sigh*

I know I'll be ok. I know I will finish. I just have to get my fears out. It helps me get over them.

Unfortunately they are still lingering... but I still have until Sunday :)